Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
