i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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