Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
