I got chris browned last night
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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