As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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