Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
