i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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