after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
