Your dad touched me again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
