I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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