Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
