and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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