You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
