Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
