Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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