google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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