I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
