I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
