It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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