I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
