No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
