So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We left the knife in your bed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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