hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
