Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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