this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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