i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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