What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
