I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
