I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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