Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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