I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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