11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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