I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
