Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
