the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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