; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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