I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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