Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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