Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
