thus making me awesome and them whores
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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