nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
