i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
