Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
