Me too!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
