Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
