Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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