i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
