In the future we'll all be gay
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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