I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
