I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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