I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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