so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
